It soon took a lot of time and money. I would have days ( sometimes 3 days in a row) where I would start the day with a binge -  purge and continue until the night. I would distract myself with Netflix while binging (to eas this voice in my mind counting all the calories I was putting in my mouth), vomit most of it in the toilet, go for a walk or a nap, and start again as soon as I would have a little bit of energy to be able to go grocery shopping. 
Years passed and bulimia became a sort of coping mechanism for me. It ended up not being so much about food as it did about control. I would binge because I was upset, bored, excited, undecided, alone ...
My binge food would mix salty, sweet, buttery, creamy, crunchy... Sometimes all at once, mixed together. Nothing made sense, just impulses. 
I was slowly gaining weight but my weight stayed what we would call "normal" at the beginning.
Nevertheless, I felt like a total fraud. In public I seemed so “put together”, upbeat and happy … yet underneath I felt trapped behind the shame, lies, and deceit because of all of the sneaking around I was doing to hide, which no one would understand, the madness going on inside.
I started to experience mood swings, digestive issues, acid reflux, depression, and anxiety.

I was in a constant state of feeling cold, both physically and emotionally, and at the core of everything, I now recognize I was in terrible emotional pain.
My body started to show me signs that what I was doing had an effect on it. I started to have even more skin issues, lower back pain, brain fog, palpitations, period loss... and was now clearly overweight because bulimia had changed my metabolism, and was now gaining weight after normal meals, even with a little number of calories.
At this point, I had two "me": My Body - whom I hated and was disgusted about - my Brain and both were totally disconnected from each other.
I tried to get help from our western medical system. I saw psychiatrists who put me under different types of antidepressants and told me I was mentally ill. I tried eating disorder group meetings where I would be surrounded by anorexics who would look at my body in a very unpleasant way... 
I truly felt like I didn't belong there. 
My life was rhythmed by the thoughts of food and the vicious circle of literally stuffing my face, purging, promising myself in tears that it would be the last time ... and starting again a few days later. 

Things fluctuated as I started getting into Nutrition science and Yoga. 

I Learned which food I should eat to nourish my body the right way and help it recover.
I decided to dedicate myself to learning everything I could to recreate balance in my body and solve my destructive eating behaviors. Studying nutrition allowed me to shift my mindset from restriction and calories to abundance and nutrients. 
I discovered the magic behind plant-based nutrition and the importance of our gut microbiome. 
 
With Yoga, I allowed myself to feel compassion toward this body that I neglected for so long. 
I reconnected with my physical sensations and slowly rediscovered them. 
I experienced and learned how physical movement and breath impact brain functions and structures. 
This body exploration path led me into Yoga, Intuitive Mouvement, Qigong and I learned to Flow in my own way, to make peace with and release all the frustration, anger, fear, hate, I had stored in it for so long.

It took me years to learn all the things that allowed me to heal from bulimia, negative body image, and all the damage I did to my body - and sometimes I wish I didn't lose so much time and moments of my life - but I don't have any regrets, because it gave me this will to help others and I am now craving to share this precious knowledge. 

Through 8 years of battle, I tried a lot of different modalities to heal my mind and body.
Some helped, others were a total fail and even made me go 3 steps backward.
I don't want any of you to lose that precious time, money, or energy.
That's why I decided to create NUTRIFLOWS®

 

 

 

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